It doesn’t matter

Learning a new language reveals more than a lack of knowledge. It also clarifies some emotional patterns. As I always say, you learn about yourself everyday! 

Well, let me share what happened today. While reading a book with my friend, I got a phone call from the school where I am applying to take some classes. It was the secretary, calling me to discuss my last email. 

I had sent her some options that I was interested in, looking for the better option available at the moment. Anyway, she said that none of the options that I have chosen was available for this term, asking me where I had found that information. Well, I tried to tell her where I got the link, figuring out in my mind the best way to express myself. Suddenly, while I was elaborating my answer, she said: “It doesn’t matter, I know what I am telling you”. Wow, how empathetic she was! Please, don’t take me wrong,  I don’t intend to complain about this. I just want to elaborate my feelings and not talk about her. Honestly, she doesn’t matter 😐 (I’m still upset) 

How her words bothered me. It sounded like “whatever”. Oh my! Could someone be more rude? Is it a cultural thing or am I too soft? None of them.

Well, I returned to my reading club, and shared it with my friend. She said: Oh, this kind of rudeness also happens in Brazil. For sure, Brazilian’s approach is not the best one. So, why does it bother me so much? Then I said: Oh, poor girl, if we were talking in Portuguese, she would know how rude I can be as well.  Please, don’t take me wrong again, I am not proud of my rudeness in my mother tongue, but why couldn’t I set my boundaries in English language? 

Some theories say that our personality changes according to the language that we are speaking. Sometimes it makes sense to me. I recognized some patterns while I am speaking English that I don’t have with my mother tongue. But are boundaries included on this concept? I don’t hope so. It should be part of all languages. 

Boundaries are like an imaginary ethic fence, where I show the limit between myself and others.  It could be physical or emotional. It is a sign that shows how people could treat me. What is acceptable for me. What my limits are. But if I don’t speak up my boundaries, how might others deal with me? If I don’t express myself, it gives the impression that I am good and everything is okay. Did you get what really matters?

Well, now I am aware of my feelings. Let’s find the right program at the school, call her back and be open to set my boundaries, if it is necessary.