Memories

I love exploring the cabinets in my mom’s house, where she still keeps some treasures, such as pictures, books, school documents, cards, medals, and objects with sentimental value. I can spend hours reconnecting with these memories, something that I always do when I visit my family in Brazil. Today it wasn’t different, still surprising myself while finding myslef between memories. Let me share with you some of them.

“Vida Sexual – Da Fisiologia à Psicologia para Adultos” (Sexual Life – Physiology to Psychology for adults), the forbidden book that has always fascinated me. Since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to be a psychologist, and like any child, everything that was prohibited, made me even more curious. I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but I would wait for my mom to leave the house so I could quickly find the book and flip through it! It’s interesting that I used to have a book for kids, in the same collection, but it was so boring for me! 🙂

My bachelor’s thesis that was defended in 2003 – “Disfunção Sexual Após A Mastectomia” (Sexual Dysfunction after Mastectomy). How pleasant was to read it again! Interesting that some citations was still fresh in my mind, like “Seios acariciados por nossos companheiros. Sugados pelos nossos filhos, que ali se nutrem da necessária confiança para trilhar seus caminhos. Seios de que nos orgulhamos ou nem tanto. Que ocultamos ou desnudamos, ao sabor da simples vontade. Que cuidaremos como uma parte querida e especial de nós” (Leal, 2000, p.25). I could also see the same writing pattern in some paragraphs, such as “reconstruir esse vazio em seu peito” (Rebuild this emptiness in your chest), or “resignificando seu seio perdido” (Resignifying your lost breast).

And then there was the Christmas cookie box that hides inside the leash and the hairbrush still with some fur from my loved dog – Onda.

The picture with my lovely grandma, who used to braid my hair while I sat on the floor in front of her sofa, just to feel the touch of her hands. I think it was one of the last pictures we took together.

My teenager’s journaling, filled with pictures and candy wrappers that I got from the most handsome boy at school! He made me feel, for the first time, that there were butterflies in my tummy! By the way, how dramatic I was! One page filled with black drawings and the next with flowers and hearts! Ahh, how intense life was!

What I most love while exploring these memories is to remember who I was and understand what shaped who I have become. I hope to keep leaving meaningful memories to myself in the future, so that I can remind myself of who I am if I forget it.

”Da para se achar se vc souber para onde voltar” (Josiane Antequeira, 2025)

“You can find yourself if you know where to go back”